Attention Founders! 🚨
We’ve been running the numbers on our very first batch of startups, and the metrics are exactly what the board expected (which is to say: chaotic, stressful, and highly entertaining).
Here is how you’ve been spending your runway:
• 📉 The VCs are absolutely crushing you. You started 110 Pitch Battles, but lost 69 of them (nice) and only won 54. The VCs are rejecting over 55% of your pitches. If you are one of the founders rage-quitting the game when they ask for your monetization slide… we see you. Time to pivot to Web3 AI? 🤖
• 🗓️ The Grind Never Stops. Our average player is highly active, but a hardcore group of 4 legendary founders is carrying the valley—surviving an average of 23 weeks before burning out or somehow securing an IPO. Your runway management is beautiful to witness. 💸
• 🖥️ Real CEOs Use Desktops. With 52 desktop app opens, it looks like you’re actually sitting down at your virtual desks to run your empires rather than just casually swiping.
• 🤓 You guys actually read! The changelog was opened 36 times by almost half the entire player base. We appreciate you keeping up with our patches. We see you looking for exploits, but we’ve already patched out everything except unpaid internships. 😉
Thank you all for playing, pitching, and breaking things! Keep building, keep hustling, and whatever you do: try not to run out of Hype! 🚀
